Why, God?

She entered the bedroom and locked the door behind her.  A lonesome tear rolled gently down her soft cheek.  She had never felt so alone, abandoned or unloved in her life.


In one short evening her world had changed.  Her life had evaporated before her eyes and she was powerless to do anything about it.  She sank to the floor and began to sob gently.  A short while later, feeling wrung out and empty she sat vacantly staring at the floor beneath the bed.  
She would later recall she had never reached that place before even in meditation, a complete and utterly empty mind; not a thought, a feeling, totally nothing.  

She began to speak, to question out loud,  without been aware she heard the answers in her mind clearly, but she knew her mind was not creating them.  She knew she was conversing with someone else. 

"Why?" she asked softly.  "This is just too horrible to comprehend."

"What are you asking, what do you wish to know, dear child?"

"I don't know, and yet I want to know everything.  Why am I here, what have I done to be left so alone, why is this happening to me?"

"This is your choice.  The situation is of your choosing."

"I don't understand.  I created THIS!  But I haven't done anything wrong."

"It is not a matter of right or wrong, dear one.  The reasons are more profound than that.  You decided so very much before.  Before you came, all has been put in place to facilitate your wishes, your learning.  What you are feeling is emotion to circumstances, this is human and will pass.  Your learning is more, more encompassed and more deliberate, it progresses your journey, your wisdom increases and expands each time learning is achieved.  We delight in your progress."

"I'm confused.  My world has fallen apart and you're saying I created this.  I decided in the past this was going to happen and I would learn something from it.  Sounds ridiculous to me."

"Yes dear child.  The feelings will pass.  You are not alone, you never have been.  You will pick yourself up and move on.  On to better things, your spiritual journey will progress to events and experiences you are destined to accomplish.  You would not have been able to do this if your circumstances hadn't changed.  Although it may seem dark and unhappy now, it will progress on. Your human emotions and feelings are damaged now and you are surrounded by this.  You must allow yourself time to heal.  Be gentle with yourself and you will see, maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but soon, you will see this is for the best - your best."

"I think I understand a little better.  But it doesn't help me feel any better now.  You're right I feel raw and torn, both inside and out.  I feel betrayed and angry, sad and lonely.  Who knew you could feel all this at once.  Thank you for reassuring me of brighter days ahead.  I understand that although i am on a spiritual journey I am doing so in a human body and I have to deal with all that entails.  Yes, indeed it is a new learning for me."

"You will find your strength.  Be gentle, be kind and love yourself.  Go now and rest, close your eyes and sleep, let your body recover and you will begin on your new journey when you awake."

"Thank you, yes i need some sleep, i feel totally exhausted."

She rose and moved towards the bed, gently pulled down the cover and was about to get in when she suddenly turned and asked, "Am i talking to myself?"

"No, child," came the reply clearly and without hesitation.

"Who, who am i speaking to?" she enquires shakily.

"It is I, your loving Father.  I felt your sorrow and heartbreak and understood that at this moment you needed my strength and love.  I am always with you and so are my messengers, rely on them for strength and love, they are waiting to help."

"Thank you," she whispered as she snuggled under the covers.  She smiled gently as she closed her eyes and fell asleep.